ShockerTees Newsletter Archive

December 2005 Newsletter

The ShockerTees Co. December Newsletter

ShockerTees New Stuff:
- New ShockerTees Co. Cap
- I Screw, I Nut, I Bolt T-Shirt
- Once You Pop, You Just Can't Stop T-Shirt
- MySpace Stalker T-Shirt
- New Just Did It T-Shirt Design

New ShockerTees.com Website Design!

MySpace, Not YourSpace Bitch!

Role-play is the new pink this season! And I’m not talking about that time you dressed up as Tarzan because she forgot to trim the jungle. I’m talking about MySpace. With a few clicks and some doctored photos of your head on Fabio’s body, MySpace quickly turns into MyPimpPlace.

You know that blond you won’t ever have a chance with? Yeah, her, send her an e-invite to your online orgy. “Fabio... I mean... I... would love to go down on you while a 12-year-old, who’s pic looks a lot like The Rock, massages your tits.”

She takes the bait, now you gotta hook, line and sink’er. Woah buddy, get lotion out. Now, cut to the chase, “I want to rock you like Freddy Mercury.” Maybe the wrong opening line, but she’s loving it. Why couldn’t you just type out everything you want to say to every girl you come across? Stephen Hawking doesn’t know how good he has it! Things are getting hot and heavy now... You and The Rock are keeping your distance, and soon you get tired from typing with one hand. Alas, you part ways, never to chat again. Besides being a little self conscious about how long The Rocks member name was, it was a good experience. You log off a new man. Light up that cigarette little buddy, you just made some fat chick a very lucky lady.

MySpace Stalker - Check out our Latest Funny T-Shirt

Fold’em you Flamer!

Texas Holdem was bigger than Jesus this year. I even saw him playin, he later sliced some dealers balls off with the flick of a card. All around, everyone is playing holdem. There are poker parties, poker charity events, and I just got back from a Poker Bar-Mitzvah(they were all very tight with their chips). But what gets to me is what people do at these poker things. Here are the top five stupid fucking things I don’t want to see at a “friendly” poker game:

5. Nothing has been bet to you, but you insist on saying, “I Raise” when you are opening the betting. Your not raising anything you dueshbag. Get your terms right if your gonna play the game.

4. Don’t bring up a “bad beat” story. I could give a flying monkey fuck how you lost with your pocket rockets. You wouldn’t tell me about how you got sodomized by a bull dike, so don’t tell me about your bad beats.

3. By all means, bring the hottest bitches you can to the game. There is more than enough Yager to get around. But don’t let your hot little gal pal pop her poker cherry at my game. 10 minutes in to her not having a clue what to do, I am going to bitch slap her and tell her to go play solitaire.

2. Stop riffling your chips. You annoy the fuck out of me! If that wasn’t enough, you decided to bring out more parlor tricks. You may be able to play with your chips, but by the 5th hand, you’re only going to be playing with yourself.

1. Your not fucking Fossilman! Take those god damn glasses off. Were not looking into your soul, we are busy figuring out if we should take a piss now or wait till the next hand. And if you’re the type that wears them on the top of your head until your in a hand, that’s just a tell that you are in no way getting any puss from the hotties at the table.

The holidays are here and we've got plenty of new shocker gear, so buy some shirts and hats to give out to your loved ones.

So Go Check Out ShockerTees.com

The ShockerTees Crew